Don’t You Know Who I Am?

Do you ever watch cookery programmes on the TV where they have ’food critics’ showing us mere mortals how it ‘should be done’?

And of course these critics have far more and much better taste buds than you do. And isn’t one programme designed to get the ‘lucky’ chef to serve Prince Charles et al? So, using that logic, Prince Charles is the mecca, numero uno, the top banana when it comes to judging food.

The underlying assumptions are therefore, that pricier is better, ‘game’ is superior to anything else [I made that one up], and the more you as a critic sound like PC, the higher fee you will commarnd.

The beauty of food, of eating out, is that given certain ground rules of produce quality, hygiene and your/the chef’s competence, the whole thing is subjective. Yes, your opinion, your friends and family counts as much as a forelock-tugging pseud.

I watched ‘Celebrity Come Dine With Me’ the other night. It was won by Tom O’Connor. He scored 29 [out of a possible 30]. He spread onion marmalade on a slice of French bread, toasted some goats’ cheese [first time he had eaten it himself] on it for starters. The main course? Scouse [lamb stew]. The desert? Jam bread & butter pudding. Every course was eaten by those present with undisguised delight.

He scored highly on his company, and how he treated his guests. Does all this sound familiar?

So, value the total experience when eating out, expect a good experience, and realise those running the restaurant want to please you. Because if they don’t you will know as you walk through the door. So if you get a bad feeling, turn around then, go and have some ‘better’ taste buds grafted on to your tongue, book elocution lessons, and treat us lesser beings with contempt [to stop you getting found out].

Truffles and foie gras anyone?

Jack Stewart.